How to Support Someone with ACEs: The Complete Guide

What are ACEs?

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) can be defined as stressful or potentially traumatic experiences that an individual experiences as a child. These experiences directly affect the child and the environment around them.^[1] They can include physical illnesses, having parents who emotionally, physically, sexually and verbally abuse children, parents who take substances and those who neglect their children. It can also include experiences such as bullying, assault, imprisonment and parental separation.^[2]

What is a support system?

A support system entails those individuals who provide materials and resources to a person to help them cope with stress, in addition to providing emotional and practical support.^[3][4] A support system can include one's friends, family, or colleagues.

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How to support someone who has had ACEs

Being a safe harbor requires intention and compassion. Here are 10 actionable ways to support someone dealing with childhood trauma:

• menu_book 1. Being aware of ACEs The first step in supporting someone with Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) is to be aware of them. Learn about ACEs, what constitutes them, how they affect a person, and how to identify someone who has experienced them. Being aware gives the supporter an upper hand in being empathetic and understanding what their friend or family member may require.^[10]
• shield 2. Creating a safe space Individuals who have experienced ACEs may feel threatened or uncomfortable easily even when they are in a safe environment. Keeping this in mind, you should ensure that they don't get startled by slamming doors or loud music that will make them uncomfortable.^[11] Maintaining a very safe, calm and predictable environment is key.^[12]
• balance 3. Being non-judgemental Being non judgemental helps the person to open up and helps them to clarify their thoughts and feelings. It also builds healthy relationships and forms secure attachments.^[13]
• hearing 4. Active listening Active listening not only helps the person to identify their problems, but it builds more knowledge and brings out missing information. Provide non verbal cues to the speaker like, "hmmm", "I see", or gently ask "what happened after that?".^[14]
• self_improvement 5. Not taking things personally An individual who has had ACEs may often have anger outbursts or may become emotional and may feel unsafe. Know that it is because of their experiences and has nothing to do with you. Understand that their behaviour is an aspect of the problem and not the problem itself.^[15]
• forum 6. Checking in with them People with ACEs may withdraw at times and may feel lonely. Even if they are present with you, check in with them. Ask them how they are doing today and is there something that they want.^[16]
• thumb_up 7. Positive affirmations Tell your friends what a wonderful job they are doing, tell them they are worth it and show them through your consistent actions as well.^[17]
• medical_services 8. Offering professional support Sometimes, your friend or relative may be finding it difficult to cope or their experiences might be interfering with their everyday life. In such a case, gently offer professional support to them and tell them the advantages of it.^[18]
• trending_up 9. Being a positive influence Encourage your friend to have healthy meals, follow through with their routine check ups, and practice exercises.^[19]
• handshake 10. Providing practical support Practical support can be provided by helping them or giving them tips to manage their daily chores or routine or attending school or college.^[20]

References & Citations

1. Adverse Childhood Experiences and their impact (ResearchGate)
2. ACEs including physical illnesses and abuse (BMC Public Health)
3. Social support for psychological health (Verywell Mind)
4. Benefits and importance of a support system (Highland Springs Clinic)
5. Healthy diet and exercising in social groups (Springer)
6. Coping with consequences of PTSD (APA PsycNet)
7. Importance of strong support for a quality life (American Bar Association)
8. Friends help access resources (Highland Springs Clinic)
9. Healthy distractions and quality habits (Highland Springs Clinic)
10. Being aware of Adverse childhood experiences (Sec-Ed)
11. Avoiding startling triggers (Sec-Ed)
12. Maintaining a safe, calm, and predictable environment (Sec-Ed)
13. Being non judgemental (Mindful Ambition)
14. Active listening (NIHR Evidence)
15. Not taking things personally (BMC Public Health)
16. Checking in with them (BMC Public Health)
17. Positive affirmations (BMC Public Health)
18. Offering professional support (BMC Public Health)
19. Being a positive influence (Highland Springs Clinic)
20. Providing practical support (NIHR Evidence)